Moment of Mayhem
Today was a day like no other. Dad was at work with his personal carer (and now good friend) Don. He was terrific for Dad as he came to our workplace and posed as a volunteer helper in our warehouse. Don had many times gone to people’s homes and posed as a cleaner or a gardener, but never to a business before. This factor alone makes Don a unique character as he was prepared to try new techniques to make a difference to people’s lives. He would run errands for us and take Dad to and from our head office to our stores. What makes Don special is that he thinks outside the square and uses his initiative to adapt to Dad’s personality as opposed to the other way round.We wanted Dad to feel like he was still working and being a help around the place. We would give him menial tasks that he would always mess up. He would size garments in the wrong order and basically shift stock from side to side in random ways. The task result was pretty much indicative of how his mind was working at the time.
I used to have to re-do nearly everything he touched, but what was more important was how Dad felt about things. Our company efficiency was non existent as we struggled to operate while dealing with someone who could do anything at anytime. I left my keys in my van once and Dad broke out of the Head Office as he drove around the block and re- parked out the front. When we were on phones he would put the roller door up and walk off. I would then jump in the van and send staff out on foot to search for him on a regular basis. We found him in the middle of the road amongst traffic or talking to random people. Our first search place would always be Bunnings. Dad would gravitate there at every opportunity to find small items he could buy. Things like screwdrivers, tape measures and hose fittings. He enjoyed the freedom of walking down the aisles and buying what he wanted on the limited pocket money we gave him.
We had to strip Dad of his credit cards, his keys and anything of value. He had lost the value of money and would always hand the wrong amounts to shop assistants. On one occasion Dad was in a store in the Main Street of Woodside. She had lost him within seconds. He had gone into a video store and I was called to come down and find him. I headed for the Main Street and was shocked when I found Dad in the middle of the Main Street walking into oncoming traffic. A lady was on the side of the road trying to help him get off the road. She came running up to my Van with great concern, but she had a relative with dementia and recognised the signs Dad was displaying.
One day in the Head Office Don was working out the back with Dad packing baskets. Don’s boss Janet was dropping her dog off to the Dogcity Daycare business next door so I invited her in for a chat about Dad’s progress. While we were in my office Dad entered the room and was a bit erratic and Janet said to me ” you have a problem here, Bob is agitated'”. She knew in a split second by his jerky movement and demeanour. She left not long after.
Dad’s behaviour began to escalate and he was becoming aggressive. Don came to me and said ” We have a problem Houston” . Don was having trouble controlling Bob and he had never seen him this wound up. I had been telling Don for a while that Bob was difficult to handle and he always said ” I never have a problem with him”. Well today he did…..
Dad started to yell and wanted to get out the front door which we swiftly locked. He was pulling on the door and almost ripping it off his hinges. Don was trying to get him to the rear of the warehouse so he could distract him. After Janet’s comments, and having both Don and I struggle with Dad. I was thinking my next move. Dad then came out with a screwdriver and was trying to jemmy the front door. I managed to take it off of him as we ushered him away from the door. Bob then grabbed a hammer, then a golf club, an umbrella and anything else he could get his hands on. He luckily kept handing them to me when I asked for them, and he would head off looking for another one. It was a totally irrational situation that was escalating.
I decided it was time he had to go to hospital for his own safety and ours. I ran into my office called ‘000’ and asked for an ambulance. They asked the nature of the patient which I described as a dementia patient that has become aggressive. The operator asked “is there any weapons involved? ” My gut instinct was to say “No” even though all the tools Dad was grabbing could easily be classed as weapons. I knew if I had said “Yes” I would have the Star Force turning up ready to tazer Dad. As he had not threatened us personally and kept handing them over they were still not weapons in my eyes. The Ambulance took an eternity and the more we waited, the more Bob would go after the front door. Dad then did something unbelievable with the door lock. As he had no weapons left he secretly pulled out a 5 cent piece from his pocket and unscrewed the screws off the door lock and was almost successful. Dad then settled but had an evil look upon his face and he became almost ‘possessed’ but in a calmish way. I read his demeanour as that he was putting on a show to make us believe he was complying, but would strike when he got the opportunity. He then went to Don and said “I Like You Don” and shook his hand. Something didn’t sit with me at this point and I noticed dad trying to crush Don’s hand and it was starting to turn white. Dad kept the smile on his face as he tried to hurt Don. I grabbed their hands and tried to separate them. The power in the grip was unbelievable and it took a lot to peel dad’s fingers away so he would release the grip.
We simply could not talk Dad down and he was like a raging bull and was so wound up he had lost perspective and was out of control. My Mum was sitting in her car outside and was about to come in. I sent a staff member out to her car to tell her to stay in the car and not to come out until I said it was safe. We did not need any extra people in the room where someone could get hurt. Mum was already emotionally distraught and I felt this traumatic scene would send her over the edge. I gestured to Don to keep Dad distracted while I ring the ambulance to find out where the hell are they? I ended ringing the emergency services number 3 times and it took over 40 minutes to reach us. Little did I know that they had an unprecedented amount of calls at the same time and had 10 ambulances lined up at the RAH. I ran outside to see if I could see them coming and would guide them inside. Finally I heard the siren and spotted the ambulance.
I ran to their door to spill out the details to the ambos, telling them my Dad was the nicest bloke you would ever meet, but is reacting badly to the drugs he is on. I could not believe they had sent two ladies to us. This was the one time we needed some men as I felt we needed to overpower Dad if he continued to lash out. I also thought they would sedate him in the leg with some kind of big injection, but obviously I had been watching too many movies. The ambos insisted that Dad must get into the ambulance or they will be forced to call in the police. I was desperate to avoid this at all costs so I pleaded with them to try and talk Dad down and try and get him onto a stretcher. I was sure the ladies would have success as they would have a softer less confronting approach. As the young ambo tried to comfort Dad he reached out and went for her throat. As the situation was super hyped, my reactions were fast and I grabbed his hand away before he could put the squeeze on her. I was in shock at what I just saw and Dad tried to deflect from the situation by saying “I just wanted to see what you were wearing around your neck”. He was fooling nobody today and was dangerous, and we all knew it.
The scene then spilled into the the street with us all outside in the carpark trying to get Dad on a stretcher so he could be transported to hospital that was only 800m away. In hindsight we should have walked him there, as everything was getting very public. Eventually we convinced him to get on the stretcher and I jumped in the front passenger seat and we headed for the RAH, still pleading that Dad was a nice person normally. Upon arrival at the Emergency Department they slapped an orange visitor sticker on me which allowed me to stay with Dad and try and calm him down if possible. It was really difficult as many people were watching and all waiting to be attended to as well. I was staggered at the amount of beds they were dealing with at one time. The wait was excruciating and the entire family was now in the room discussing our next move. We could not believe what we were witnessing, there were tears but we remained united to get Dad through.
We spoke to Doctors, Registrars and anyone that would engage us. We have a family friend who is very high up in the RAH and he certainly made things happen with people running everywhere upon his command. He would demand facts from each nurse and Doctor and piece together the situation to assist to find a logical solution even though Dementia is not his area of expertise. We were telling anyone that would listen that the anti psychotic drug he is on is making him worse. Dad’s Geriatric GP recommended that he stay on the drug no matter what the impact, as this drug takes time to settle the patient down. We had already been battling with the side effects for 10 days and we wanted Dad off the drug regardless. The doctors persisted with the treatment as prescribed.
I distinctly remember being so frustrated by this that I went to a quiet part of the ER and made a call from my mobile to our Link Worker at Alzheimers Australia. The role of the link worker is to put people in touch with the correct services throughout their journey with dementia.In my opinion no-one was listening to us and she was my last hope to get some unbiased information. I remember feeling overwhelmed and emotional when she answered my call at 6pm and I thanked her so much for just talking to me. At this point in time the Link Worker was the only person I trusted and felt she was in our corner to help us ,no matter what. I pushed her for every bit of experience she had ever had to try and extract the answers I was looking for. Her professionalism shone through by being very careful what she said to me and always remaining impartial and just giving me my options.
This 10 minute phone call gave me hope that everything will be ok, even though everyone around me was falling apart. She said I could ring her at anytime on her mobile and she will do whatever she can for us. It wasn’t just what she said – it was the way she said it. I was in a very lonely and isolated frame of mind and she made me feel I had options, and kept me thinking rational and concentrating on the job at hand. As long as I knew what the next move was I remained in control and would report back to my Mum and Sister with my findings. This pivotal moment highlighted to me the value of the Link Worker to family members of someone with Dementia and brought calm to a moment of mayhem.
This is Dementia.